One of the characteristics of Mindfulness is curiosity. Being able to mindfully study any aspect of our experience includes being curious about whatever is unfolding in the present moment.
So often when couples are in conflict or caught in an uncomfortable pattern together they will say about each other” He always….” or “She never ….”. They are so frustrated that the things that they want to stop happening in their relationship keep on happening. At these times people keep trying the same things over and over even though they do not work. It’s as if they have made up their minds that what their partner is doing is irksome. And they each have their firm ideas about what is wrong with their partner’s behaviour.
Breakthroughs can happen when each of them look at the pattern with curiosity. This means admitting that they have not been able to understand how their partner feels and experiences. Couples that do well together do not assume that they know everything about their partner. They keep on asking, learning and observing with fresh eyes and ears and most importantly, an open heart.
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Nancy Christie BFA, CYW
170 The Donway West
North York Ontario
Certified Sensory Motor Psychotherapist Advanced Practitioner
Member Canadian Association for Psychodynamic Therapy
Member of the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario
Clinical Member of the Ontario Society of Psychotherapists